The cruises compared here
Civitatis lists one dinner cruise in Bangkok in English, and it sails from Asiatique The Riverfront on a boat called the White Orchid. That makes the decision simpler than in cities with six rival dinner boats. The question is only whether this one suits you.
We read the listing and the voucher small print line by line. Most of it is reassuring. A few points are worth knowing before you pay, mainly about the sailing time, the dress code and what happens when the river misbehaves.
1What the €31 buys
The cruise lasts two hours and returns to Asiatique. On the way it passes Wat Arun and the Grand Palace, the two riverside sights the listing names.
Dinner is a buffet. The listing describes salads, meats, fish, rice, fruit and traditional Thai dishes, without publishing a menu. A welcome drink is included, and so is an open bar with beer. Wine, spirits and soft drinks are not mentioned either way, so assume they cost extra or are not served.
There is live music on board. You also get two kinds of commentary: an English-speaking guide, and an English audio guide sent to you by email the day before as a QR code.
2Afternoon or evening sailing
The listing describes two versions. The afternoon voyage has the buffet, the beer and the music. The evening voyage follows the same route and adds a traditional dance performance.
On the day we checked, the only rate on sale was the afternoon cruise at 5 pm. A 5 pm start means you board in daylight, and how much of the two hours falls after dark depends on the time of year. The listing sells the cruise on Bangkok's night lights, so check the departure time shown for your date before assuming you will see them.
If the dance show is the reason you are booking, make sure the evening option appears in the calendar. The inclusions are explicit that the live show runs on the evening cruise only.
3Small print that catches people out
There is a dress code. The voucher asks for smart-casual clothes, with trousers and collared shirts for men, and skirts, trousers, blouses or dresses for women. Shorts and a vest after a day at the temples may not get you on board.
The route is not guaranteed. The voucher says the itinerary can change because of the water level of the Chao Phraya or other unforeseen circumstances, and that no refund or new date is offered when it does.
The boat itself is a blank. The listing gives no detail on decks, air conditioning or seating, and the cruise is listed as not wheelchair accessible. Check-in closes in on you as well: you are asked to be at the counter 30 minutes before sailing.
4Who should book and who should not
Book it for a first or last night in Bangkok when you want the evening decided for you, or if you are staying near Asiatique anyway. For two people who would each drink a few beers with dinner, the price is hard to beat on the river.
Do not book it as your way of seeing the river. A buffet cruise keeps you at a table, and the tourist boat day pass gives you the same stretch of water in daylight for about an eighth of the price, with the freedom to get off at Wat Arun. If you care more about food than about the boat, eat in a restaurant and take the tourist boat earlier in the day.