The cruises compared here
The dinner cruise on the Thames is the most expensive boat trip in this comparison by a wide margin, so it is fair to ask what the extra money buys. The answer is time, a table and a party. It does not buy more sightseeing.
Here is what the listing and City Cruises, the operator, say you get, set against the two cheaper cruises that also put food or drink in front of you.
1What you get for the money
The cruise lasts three hours. It leaves Westminster Pier, runs downriver past the London Eye, St Paul's, the Tower of London, Tower Bridge and Canary Wharf towards Greenwich, then returns to Westminster.
The menu printed in the listing is salmon gravlax with salad and ciabatta, marinated chicken with Lyonnaise potatoes and vegetables, and tiramisu. A vegetarian version swaps in burrata salad and mushrooms. Included with it are one welcome drink and water. A singer performs during the meal and the boat becomes a dance floor afterwards.
2The small print that matters
The listing's headline promises a four-course dinner, but its own menu and its list of inclusions both describe three courses. Count on three.
Only the welcome drink and water are listed as included, so wine with dinner is extra. The listing also warns that your table may sit close to other diners. City Cruises says its boats have window tables for two and that these sell out early; nothing in the Civitatis listing guarantees you one.
The operator asks for smart casual dress and advises against flip-flops, leisurewear and ripped jeans. The minimum age is 13, and the listing marks the cruise as not wheelchair accessible.
3When the sunset cruise is the better buy
The sunset cruise with prosecco and canapes lasts two hours, leaves from Tower Millennium Pier and sails between Westminster and Canary Wharf. It has live jazz, an enclosed saloon and an open-air deck, and it is the most reviewed cruise in this comparison, with a slightly higher score than the dinner cruise.
You will not be fed properly: one glass of prosecco and cold canapes is the whole offer, with a bar for anything more. But you are free to stand outside for the bridges, and the money saved pays for a good dinner on dry land. For most couples this is the better evening. It is for over-16s only.
4The afternoon tea cruise as a middle option
If the appeal is eating on the water and the time of day does not matter, the afternoon tea cruise costs about half the dinner cruise. It runs for 90 minutes from 3:30 pm, serves sandwiches, scones and cakes with tea or coffee, and takes children, with a separate children's menu.
It has the highest score of the three, though from far fewer reviews. You lose the night views and the music.
5Who should still book the dinner cruise
Book it for a birthday, an anniversary or a group night where sitting down together for three hours is the plan and dancing afterwards is welcome. In that case the price compares with a restaurant plus a show, and the river is the backdrop.
Cancel in time if plans change: the refund window closes three days before the date, much earlier than the 24 hours on the daytime sightseeing boats.